Hello again Blog! I thought I'd lost you, with all the confusion of which email add you are under! I think it's time to go back to blogging. As you all may have known or guess by now, that I am officially hired and working. Like finally. It was a big struggle to get a job and now I am currently sitting in my tiny winy office doing nothing actually. I suppose I can't complain. haha. It has been interesting these last few months, with adjusting to my new life back in Singapore, making new friends all over again and reuniting with family and relatives. There have been ups and downs, but mostly ups, which is always a plus! Being nearer to the boyfriend is also a big advantage, although it still takes a painstaking 5 hours or more to get there. In fact, I just came back from a little weekend trip to KL. 8 of us drove up to Genting and had a blast. You guessed it right! It was all about eating as usual. I particularly enjoyed the sweet potatoes man! Probably the best I've eaten by far. They are planning yet another trip elsewhere and poor old me have no more leave left to go :( All because I would be taking 9 days off for my annual UK trip. It's tough to decide sometimes, its between having fun or spending quality time with family. Which would you choose? The latter? (yea the latter.)

Talking about family, I haven't yet been home sick. Sorry guys, if you happen to read this! haha. I still miss everyone. Thanks to technology, I can constantly Whatsapp and Skype them. However, I do REALLY miss the two little monsters. They are my pride and joy. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my sister and I asked her, if I love your sons so much, how would I be with my OWN kids. "Don't touch my kids, They're mine!" lols. Only kidding really.

Last Sunday, my church decided to hold a bowling competition and surprisingly, my team won "Best team". We won vouchers for a Swensen's meal and will be meeting up again this week. Other things to look forward to? Telugu Event at church on sat, where we will be doing a BBQ for all the construction workers, 60 of them. It should be a rather humbling session and hopefully fruitful one too. And last but not least, a trip to SIEM REAP at the end of May! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Im currently sitting at "my" office, it has a great view and a bunch of great colleagues all in one place. It almost feels like I'm working here already and this is my life, But unfortunately, not. I am just a one week intern looking and seeking for a door to open in the form of an offer for a job. I have all these plans that I have made and changed, and its become a place of mess in my head, having to constantly hope and worry about things. I was told that I have caused myself unnecessary stress and worry, and that I am not fully trusting in the Lord about things. I feel like I am trusting in God in the sense to see what doors open for me and I know its given to me by God, so in that sense I can not just wait around and hope for the best, I need to be diligent in finding a way to those doors first of all. But having said all of that. What does it truly mean to trust in the Lord? Do you worry first and remind yourself you should trust in the Lord and then not worry? Or you shouldn't even worry in the first place as you know the Lord has everything under control? Well for me, the way I work is I always worry first then remind myself I should really trust in the Lord. I can't pretend I am not worried. I try to suppress my worries and give it to the Lord but sometimes they just surface up or got taken back from the Lord. Does it make sense to you? Sometimes I try to explain myself but I do not get very far with it. 

I feel that the Lord has given me this trip/opportunity to really assure me that life here is not that bad and that there is something exciting for me here. He has helped me realise that I can be away from family and lead my own life here. He has opened doors for me to certain opportunities. I can only pray and trust in him that he will provide something or guide me along as I go. I have been thinking too much about what if I do not get a job and have to return to UK without another plan? What is next? So much so, I can not think anymore about it.

What is it that the Lord wants me to learn? It is probably to put my trust in him anytime a worry comes into my head. 

This is it! I have finished my final year project since the last post here, I have travelled to Barcelona, Rome and back. Enjoyed tipi camping in the wilderness and the rain and bunked with 6 others in Belfast!  Where have all the fun times gone now?! Definitely feeling sad now. I've only just received my results a few days back. I've managed a 2.1 and boy was I pleased and thankful. Of course, I wouldn't lie and say that I felt a bit envious of others who got a first after a while. But I am still grateful and thankful for where the Lord has brought me after 3 years! Praise the Lord.

Now that I am officially at home. I have begun to sort out my room. Normally people take a while before they settle in but not in this Tan family household. Everything should be done within a week. sigh. Being at home after 3 years away from uni is tough and will only get tougher. Things are just different. Once you have tasted what it was like to have freedom, you never see staying at home the same way ever again. Despite this, I am enjoying the home cooked food and the cleanliness of home :D   and of course being able to spend time with my sisters and little Nathan. He is really a bundle of joy to look at and be with. Every time I look at him, I think of how amazing God is. He truly is a blessing to me. Aw.

Just a few days back, Henna came to visit and stayed over at mine. It was great having her around and to be able to see what my life in the UK was like. I am so thankful for a friend like her, a friend where I can be able to share anything with and we can both support each other in times of needs. I have made so many dear friends over the past 3 years at Leeds and I am already missing them. They were what made my time there and got me through the tough times. I hope one day we will all eventually meet up again and still have that same spirit of friendship, closeness and fun. Apparently we are going to meet again when we turn 50. or at least when a few does, with the age differences haha. Travelling with Hannah has been a wonderful experience. Travelling with 7 others and being driven around was more of a wonderful experience haha. I will treasure the times we spent together. Till after my graduation back up in Leeds, will I only say that my time in Leeds is up :(

I swear I learn things the hard way. Or at least I sub-conciously allow it to happen. Hmm, why am I like this? Honestly there is so much I have learnt about myself this year and its kinda scary. The good things about yourself and the bad things. Obviously the scary bit is the not so good stuff. But nevertheless, I guess its good, better now then never, better sooner rather than later. I guess I have to start taking note more and stop being that carefree person I used to be. In some areas of life, maybe that carefreeness will not get you anywhere.

Just under 2 weeks now to complete my entire final year project of three years of uni education! I mean how bonkers is that?! At the moment, I have a quite a lot of post it note tasks to finish. I wonder what freedom from uni will taste like? Bitter? Sweet? Bittersweet? This is serious stuff. I am soon to be entering the working world, I hope I am ready for it! If not I will have to be ANYWAYS.

Bring on Summer holidays! Barcelona, Rome, Belfast, Tipi camping, Singapore and Malaysia are all waiting for ME! This might just be my most eventful year of my life YET.

SO near yet so far!! I cannot actually believe I have managed to write so much for my dissertation. It is ridiculous! The fear of not having enough to write about has turned around. Now the trouble is all down to editing it. I might have waffled too much too. I just hope it turns out fine and I have got my point across. EEk.

On the other hand, final year project is going ridiculously slow and I am not looking forward to the mountain of work I have to conquer from now till May. But I guess I have to keep reminding myself of the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. No one can help me through this except God. COME ON!! I cannot wait to finish now. For all those people who are not yet in their final year, this is how it feels. Although the thought of job hunting and work seems "oh-so-not-exciting", I think its time to leave the uni phase of life and embrace new challenges.

On the subject of challenges, I gave one for myself this year, and to remind you guys again, it was to gym regularly. Lo and behold! I think I am succeeding in that area. What has become of me? I never used to be that girl who liked exercising or sports for that matter. I guess I am trying to make up for lost opportunities. I am glad I had the opportunity to rock climb yesterday. It was pretty awesome, tiring but fun. Another thing that I have been doing lately, is reading. I actually do like the sound of reading now. Again what happened to that girl who hated reading and would only touch a book once in a year?

This just shows that you can do anything if you really want to. Who knows what i'll embark on next. Those were just baby steps. haha!

Climb a mountain?

(oh forgot that was my "project")

Hmm it seems that everyday goes by so quickly now, especially when there is no inspiration. I feel like I know what I am going to do but yet cannot seem to express it. My topic is on the complexity of emotions, and its ironic cause I should be learning more about it and getting more understanding about it but it turns out the other way round. In fact, how I am feeling about this project is just like what emotion is. You know what emotion is but yet you are not able to express your understanding. Bugs me. Lord please give me the thunder lighting bolt of inspiration. Oh but it seemed like you did give me a mini one this morning, right before class. Please do it again :D

I guess even though I am kind of struggling with work and all, I have this inner peace that I can do it. If God has pulled me through every other thing in my life and projects that have passed, why not this right? Obviously, I have to play my part.

Weeks get tougher and tougher, deadlines draw nearer and nearer. But its in this times that you draw closer and closer to God and no doubt the friends and the love ones you have. I asked this in cell earlier, If you were to see God today, what would you thank him for and give glory to him for? I would thank him for the love he has showed me and through the people around me. Friends are truly important and so is my loved one. :P It still amazes me everytime I think about it. I am truly blessed.

So blessed, I get to go London tomorrow!! woot woot. It should be a good day of spending quality time with friends. I shall force myself to sleep early tonight, as it is going to be a long day tomorrow.

Oh forgot to mention about my new year's resolution. Well obviously its none other than making an effort to go to the gym 3 times a week. So far so good till this MORNING!!! I got lazy and had a late night and had a talk later which meant I couldn't make up for it. I hope I don't enter the lazy mode again :/