I think its time to not just blog about the surface stuff but to go much deeper within. I often or most of the time feel that I am not good enough and that I am not capable enough. Its the perfectionist way of life I have after going into this course, where Im constantly comparing myself against everybody else. Am I doing alright? Should I do this? Should I do that? Sometimes jealousy creeps in when their work is brilliant. Its taking its toll on me but I feel that God is trying hard to tell me that I am enough, he is enough and that I don't need to do anything else to impress others but him alone. I'll do my best and he can do the rest. But its so hard. Everything is easier said than done. But Im going to make it a point to keep this in my prayer. Hmmm...blogging at 2am in the morning kinda sets off a certain mood.

Going on...so many things are uncertain this year. Its as if its a big blank piece of white paper. Bigger than an A3 definitely. And I just need to write a huge 'GOD' in the middle and work everything else around it. I also feel that God is trying to not spoon feed me and kinda like pushing me to the edge once in a while, just to give me a bigger reliance on him. I can almost hear him saying: ''Vans you know I'm here''.

I know he is there and I will keep :) because of that.

bye emo post.